Evening Sermon

June 22, 2008

Family Life in the Lord

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We are in the practical section of the book of Colossians, and tonight we'll get very practical. Maybe too practical, at least in the eyes of the world in which we live. Paul is writing to the church, to Christians, to those who "were raised with Christ," telling us to "seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. He continues, "Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth."

Put off the old man. And, v.10 "...put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him."

The practical applications of exactly what that means continues with the exhortations to get along with one another in the church. And now we move from the church to the family. Family life in the Lord. Family life for Christians, and God has much to say to his people.

I don't need to tell you that tonight's verse has caused a lot of trouble for a lot of people. Some people simply outright deny it, relegating the idea of submission to an old fashioned, out of date way of treating women that is entirely out of place in our modern, advanced and progressive age. We know better than that now. And so the liberation of women from the call to biblical submission is a fait accompli in many places of our society, including in the teaching ministry of many churches. We simply leave that part out.

In other places, other professed Christians hold these words to be true because, after all, they are in the Bible. Bit the meaning of the words and the applications of biblical submission are twisted, distorted, contrived and even perverted. In other words, the words don't really mean what they say. Sadly, there are still others who abuse these words to their own advantage, men who abuse the authority given to them in the oversight of their wives, dominating and controlling them with often hypocritical inconsistencies and an overbearing and authoritarian dominance. But that will come next week, and criticism offered to such abusers of authority will be harsh.

But what of you who do believe these words, and want to apply them to your own lives faithfully? That will be our focus tonight.

I ought to say as well that although the obvious focus of this verse is upon the relationship of husbands and wives in marriage, the principle of submission is the same in every relationship in which God has established the exercise of authority, namely children to parents, wives to husbands, church members to ordained Elders, servants to masters, and citizens to the civil government. So Peter writes as introductory words to his instructions about the civil government,

1 Peter 2:13 "Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake."

So even if you are not married, apply this principle in those relationships in which you are called to submission.

Let me start with a simple statement, but one that profoundly contradicts the spirit of our age, which is the spirit of autonomy, or self-rule. The statement is this, God has established relationships among mankind in which he assigns the right and responsibility to exercise authority on the one side, and assigns the duty of submission and obedience on the other side. Negatively, God has not established the society of mankind to live and exist in an egalitarian system. With respect to the exercise of authority, we are not all equal. And so our shorter catechism question #64 declares that, "The fifth commandment requireth the preserving the honor, and performing the duties, belonging to everyone in their several places and relations, as superiors, inferiors, or equals."

Superiors, inferiors, and equals. Those are the categories in which we live in relationship to one another. With reference to authority, sometimes God leaves us as equals and sometimes he establishes and inferior and superior positions. Which brings me most generally to what Paul means when he writes of,

I. SUBMISSION IN THE LORD. This is a Christian virtue, a Christian grace. That is to say, the exhortation is directed at those people who have been raised with Christ, who have been born again. Christians, saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. The focus here is not merely upon some principles for family and marital happiness, but upon the application of the Christian doctrine of salvation upon those who belong to Christ.

Everything I will have to say tonight is in that context, and therefore,

A. Godly submission is an intensely spiritual commitment. v.18 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."

As is fitting for someone who has died with Christ, someone who has the power of the Holy Spirit enabling them to will and to do what God has commanded. And this is a test, if you will, an evidence of your spiritual maturity.

Let me put it simply, without intending to be insulting. A woman who has not come to grips with the idea of godly, biblical submission is not very far along in her Christian faith. She is not mature at all, no matter how much she might know, how much she might minister to others, how much she might even teach others. If the spiritual commitment of submission is not the obvious and evident demonstration of her faith, she is still weak and immature.

On the other hand, those women who have dealt honestly with their own hearts before the Lord, and seek earnestly even if imperfectly, to live in submission to their husbands, those women are to be recognized as mature and praised for their godliness. Maybe she has little or no education. Maybe she has no work experience. Maybe she is just a simple and ordinary woman. If she has engaged herself in this intensely spiritual commitment of submission, she is greatly to be praised.

What is it, after all, that a godly woman ought to be teaching younger women?

Titus 2:3 "...the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things-- 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed."

Do you see the spiritual nature of submission in that? The actions of women who have not learned to exercise this grace of submission blaspheme the word of God!

One more thing about this idea of submission in an introductory sense, and that is that submission is not a matter of essential inequality. In other words, the biblical pattern of submission, rightly understood, isn't demeaning to women. It doesn't devalue women, as if their value was determined by their right to exercise authority in the home or in the church. Submission doesn't address the matter of essential equality, what Peter labels with the terms "joint heirs with Christ." So I'll peak ahead to next week just a bit,

1Pet. 3:7 "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."

Heirs together. No inequality of personhood. No inferiority of identity. Not less important or less valuable. That's a lie that the feminist movement has foisted upon us all, that accepted a role of being subject to authority makes you inferior in your very essence.

No, the inferiority, to recapture the right us of that word, is a reference to authority. As in the military, a superior officer is simply a person given the authority to be in command. And the best superior officer is the one who most honors those under his command. The same is true in business. The same is true in a marriage and in a family.

B. Godly submission is a matter of spiritual faithfulness not a matter of essential inequality. A matter of spiritual faithfulness. A matter of how you can be faithful to God as a Christian. In your relationships where you are under the authority of someone else, submit to that authority. That is true for church members toward the elders. It is true for all of us as citizens toward our civil government. It is true for servants, employees in the workplace.

This is a test of your spiritual faithfulness. It is not a declaration of your inferiority, but of your faithfulness, that you would live as God would have you to live.

Well, enough said of an introduction. What is it? What does it mean to submit? Let's look at,

II. THE PRACTICE OF SUBMISSION. Here the rubber meets the road. The word literally means to stand under, to subject yourself to the oversight of another. To recognize the authority of the one to whom you subject yourself. And, therefore, to obey.

What is submission? Ultimately,

A. To recognize and obey authority which God has established. Now, let me sneak again into next week's sermon just slightly. There are lots of biblical constraints placed upon the one who is in authority. The clearest example is the command given to parents,

Col. 3:21 "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

Eph. 6:4 "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."

That restraint is necessary. The Bible doesn't leave you helpless and hopeless under tyranny, for great restraint is placed upon the one in authority. And, I might add, great responsibility. In the case of Elders in the church, exercising authority, while Christians are commanded to, "Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive," Hebrews 13:17 continues to say, "for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account."

So the one in authority is not given free reign to do whatever he wants, but is held accountable by God. And a church that teaches that a wife is called by God to submit must be willing to discipline a husband who is abusing that authority! Again, that's next week, but the context is important for this command to recognize and obey the authority God has established over you.

The first step is to recognize. To acknowledge it. To stop trying to get around it, to stop trying to manipulate, stop trying to avoid it or diminish it's scope.

This is how God described the godliness of Sarah,

1 Peter 3:5 "For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror."

She called him Lord. She obeyed him. This holy woman trusted God and adorned herself with the beauty of submission to her own husband.

No nagging, when she didn't get her way. No badgering, no manipulating, no emotional scheming, no maneuvering, no ploys, no wiles or subterfuge. She obeyed her husband and called him Lord. That was the expression of her faith.

Now what does that really mean? It really means what it really says. It is the definition of a relationship, the determining identity of that relationship. A marriage is not a partnership of two people who exercise equal authority, but a relationship ordered by God in just this way of a wife's submission.

One more thing about the practice of submission, and that is to say that all of this is not mere submission. Not mere obedience. It's more. It is a positive duty, and I hope you understand what I mean by that. A positive duty is something you do, as opposed to a prohibition, something you don't do because you are forbidden. A positive duty goes far beyond mere outward disobedience. In other words, it is not enough merely to be sure you don't disobey. The positive duty is honor.

B. Always give honor to the one whom God has put in authority. I have certainly known wives over the years, not referring to anyone here, who technically were submissive to their husbands. They didn't disobey. But positively speaking, they didn't honor them either.

Go to Ephesians 5, where Paul goes over this whole matter and summarizes his teaching in,

Eph. 5:33 "Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

The word "respects" is the word fear. That word has all sorts of bad implications in our English, but the root idea is reverence. Honor. Let the wife see that she honors her husband. Again, not merely obeys him, but more. Much more. She lives to honor him. She gives him her deepest respect and reverence. Not in any sense of worship, of course, that must be said, but she honors him. She lives her life for him.

Marriage really isn't that complicated, at least in principle. Applying the principles can be troublesome, but at it's root level, the relationship between a man and a woman in a marriage can be reduced to this overriding principle. Let a man love his wife. Let a wife honor her husband.

It's a principle men need to learn, that what your wife wants is your love. She wants to be more important to you than you are to yourself, more important and more deeply cherished than anything else in your life. But this is what a man wants. To summarize what a man wants in a comprehensive way is this, he wants to be honored.

Now, a wise man will always listen to his wife. A wise man will always wish for what is best for his wife, for a wise man nourishes and cherishes his wife. But this is what he wants, and needs. To have and to receive at all times, her honor. Everything she says, everything she does, honors him. Respects him.

Again, that is what we ask of our children. Not just outward obedience. That's a good start, of course. But so much more is important. Not just the words. Children learn what words parents want to hear, and they learn to speak them. But that's not what's most important. It is the attitude of the heart.

Honor me. That's the call of submission. Honor those whom God has put in authority over you. Seek their good and their glory. Indeed,

Prov. 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life."

Men, if you have such a wife, treasure her with all your heart. And women, this is your great worth! This is your greatest virtue, that your husband safely trusts you because he knows that your purpose in all things is to do him good and not evil all the days of your life.

The worth of a wife is not to be measured in some equal exercise of authority. Her worth is to be measured by her willingness to honor her husband. And that brings us to,

III. THE ATTITUDE OF SUBMISSION. Not just the practice, not just the outward demonstration of submission. But the attitude of the heart. And this, I believe, is what submission is all about.

It is not about having some sort of domestic servant. It is not about a servile or fawning subservience. Rather, this is about what Peter identifies as a beautiful woman. It is her heart. It is,

A. The gentleness of a quiet heart. That's where submission comes from. That is how it is expressed.

1 Peter. 3:3 "Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel-- 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

The hidden person of the heart. That's where true, biblical, godly submission is grounded. "The incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit."

Gentleness, meekness. Doesn't always have to gets its own way. Doesn't always have to demand its own rights. Doesn't always have to resist or to argue. It is not self-assertive, but rather simply cares for the self not at all.

That's gentleness. It describes a quiet heart. A peaceable heart. A silent heart. It doesn't have to talk back, doesn't have to demand the right to be heard. No arguments, no tension. Just the stillness and quietness of faithful trust.

The gentleness of a quiet heart is a woman who needs not prove herself to others. She does not need to be sure she looks good. She does not have to have her own way, nor demand her own rights. She is not the least bit angry or bitter. She doesn't whine and complain and grumble when she doesn't get her way.

Rather, her heart is at rest. And that, beloved, is a beautiful woman!

Beauty is not in the brazen and often immodest attempts to flaunt the feminine physique. Beauty ought not to be measured by outward appearance. But beauty, imperishable beauty, is displayed by a woman fully at peace in her heart with the call of submission. Surely, that is,

B. The beauty of a godly woman. It's a matter of the heart. Have I said that already? It is a matter of the disposition of her soul, the disposition that always, readily, freely, and happily, gives honor to her husband. And let me say it again, that is the measure of a woman's beauty.

Now men, the measure of a woman's beauty is so often connected with our measurements, and it is the responsibility of godly men, first of all, to establish this measurement. We ought to give our attention, and when appropriate, our affection, to women whose beauty is not in her external appearance but in the gentleness of her heart.

There really is nothing more ugly than a woman trying to undermine her husband's authority. There is nothing more ugly than a rebellious woman, nothing more ugly than an angry and bitter woman, angry and bitter because she didn't get her way.

There really is nothing more ugly than a woman dishonoring her husband and the beauty and sanctity of their marriage bed by exposing herself in ways directly intended to arouse sexual attention. There is nothing more ugly than a beautiful woman who lacks discretion. To quote the inspired proverb,

Prov. 11:22 "As a ring of gold in a swine's snout, So is a lovely woman who lacks discretion."

But just as surely, there is no woman more beautiful than a woman who truly and sincerely submits to her own husband, as is fitting in the Lord.

Now, is that too high a standard? No, certainly not, for it is the biblical standard. And though not one will measure up perfectly, it is the goal to which we happily and eagerly aspire. I can assure you, not one man will measure up to what we will study next week either, but by God's grace, putting off the old man and putting on the new, this is how God will transform us as we grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord.

So tonight, this is the new man, the new woman, a woman of a gentle and quiet spirit who seeks always to honor her husband, as is fitting in the Lord.

Prov. 31:30 "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised."

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